New Year, Goal Setting and Failures.

I wanted to touch on the trendy topic with the new year just beginning of goal setting and how to handle it when you do not meet your expectations. For so long we’ve focused on this idea of being “perfect” or nothing. No middle ground, no room for error and no negotiations on this rule.  That is just not reality. You are setting yourself up to fail with this type of mindset.

In therapy we focus on the unpopular belief of little wins and baby steps. 

If we focused on the all or nothing rule, then that would mean, none of us would have ever learned how to walk, or even how to use the toilet. Let’s be honest none of us got those two very big milestones the first time around. So what did we do, we kept trying, mistake after mistake, we continued on, till we mastered these skills. So, if we were given multiple chances without giving up on those milestones, why isn’t your health or wellness also given the same chances? 

Now getting to the point about screwing up and stopping the goal all together. You are allowed grace, you can be disappointed, but do not punish yourself, if you begin the negative cycle all you are doing is crippling your will and belief in yourself that you can do better. Take the goal slow, life is about balance, if you miss a day or mess up. Take that moment in, deep breath and start again. Picture your child (even yourself as a child), yes they got frustrated when falling while trying to walk, but did they stop? No, that’s because you were encouraging them and they had will and determination to continue on. Babies don’t talk crap to themselves when they fall down, they just get back up and do it again. 

I also want to touch on goal setting: if you are someone who wants to make drastic changes, life altering changes, please I urge you to pick just one change, break it down to the smallest step and start with that.

For example; you want to lose 20lbs, gain muscle and stop eating junk food. Pick ONE, so we will say the junk food goal- if you eat JF 6 days a week, remove one day, now you only have it five days a week. Thats a little WIN. Please don’t remove it cold turkey and then be surprised when you binge on the “forbidden” food. Start small, work up to these big changes. You cannot expect your body to succeed without helping it out, making the path easier for yourself, building up the confidence to feel proud of the progress you’ve made.

You never fail until you stop trying.. Albert Einstein

I challenge you to give yourself grace in the difficulties and failures as well as to break your goal down to smaller steps, build up to the overall more difficult goal you want to accomplish.